The maid of honor just puked.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This baby is an asshole
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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