dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
