You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
