I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
