No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
