Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
