I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Two words: blizzard sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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