He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
