The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did i walk over a car last night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
