i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
