he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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