so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
