wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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