I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
