My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
