I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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