Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
