I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
