You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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