If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize