Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
