it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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