I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
