She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
