I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
