hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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