The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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