So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
