Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
