Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
