i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
