My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
