if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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