I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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