Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
