im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
