Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
