I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
