I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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