he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
