god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize