He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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