I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize