I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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