There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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