I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
