Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize