How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
