well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
