This is not my ceiling
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
