OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
