Sry I called you an 8
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize