I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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