Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
third nipple confirmed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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