last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
