the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
