I got chris browned last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
