Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
