Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize