it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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