letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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