new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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