Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
