kristin has been a bad kristin
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
