im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
