i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
