I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
