Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
