a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
