in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
