Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
