Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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